Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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