Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
