Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
