I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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