Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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