when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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