he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
