respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
