How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He shit in the fireplace
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
