SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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