so explain again why im purple
no
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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