yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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