Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
