I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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