I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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