you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every concussion has its silver lining
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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