Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
