ugly people sure do ruin things
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
