Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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