We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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