Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
