I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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