At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
