so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
