the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
