If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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