For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
