We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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