I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
