I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
