I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
