whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
