I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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