on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
