that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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