My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
