Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize