Already got asked if we're dating
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
