She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
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Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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