Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
