if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
