So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize