did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dick very happy bro
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
