it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
