somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
