Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
