Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
nutella sex= disaster
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
