I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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