1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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