Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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