Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
