Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
