3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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