i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
