I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
