i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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