Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
