i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
