Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
