can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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