there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
