Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
