Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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