Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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