just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it's like iHOP with fire
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
