A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
