By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
