Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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