Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
