i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
