were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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