I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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