well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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