Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
