I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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