LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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