Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
