I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
