Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
